The Domesticated Witch, or how to not scare off your husband's work friends

Recently our little lives here have made many changes. My husband was transferred to a store which is a mile from our home and we had a baby. He rides his motorcycle every day to and from work and we spend nearly zero money on gas and it's great. He's been at this new store since May and has made friend with lots of people and they've been inviting us to all kinds of parties and things. The best part? They've all got kids, something we really lack in our social circle.

I think it's important to hang out with other couples with kids, it makes you feel a little more normal. I'm not saying having single friends isn't important, because it is. It's just your single friends don't want to hear about all the stuff your kid does because there's a big chance they don't find it nearly as interesting or amazing as you do. At least people with kids get it and it gives them a chance to talk about their kids, which I've found is something that people with kids like to do. Everywhere you go it's "Oh lemme show you pictures of my kids!" Random people at the pediatrician's office say "Oh your son is soooo cute wanna see pictures of my granddaughter?" I was wandering in the hospital with my son and my mom (she's a nurse, I was visiting her at work) and I saw my OB GYN in the hallway who delivered my son and even she was like "OMG your son is so precious I remember him when he was purple and covered in cheese and had just fell out of you and here's 200 pictures of my kids on my iPhone the grow like weeds time flies enjoy it yadda yadda."

All this being said, now that we're hanging out with these new people they will inevitably ask what I do. Well I'm a stay at home mom and artist. Oh, what do I make? Well I'm writing a children's book and I'm a professional witch.... hey, where are you going?

I'm really ambivalent about telling people I'm a witch. Usually it goes two way; one, they are turned off and don't ask anything else and that's fine as long as they don't start treating me like a leper. I've gotten used to that, it comes with the territory, it doesn't bother me anymore. Two, they ask if I can make someone fall in love with them. Like that's all I do is match two unwilling partners in eternal bondage with glitter and bad perfume (I don't do that btw. Doing spell work for others just isn't my thing. I just make the tools with the intent, I leave you to light the candles.) When I was a bartender all the little hostess girls found out I was a witch and they clamored at the bar begging me to make this boy or that boy fall in love with them. You seem so fake when you tell them no, like the witch thing is just a front. But honestly, this professional witch gig tends to make you wise to things and it's just better that way, the way of no glitter and no bad perfume. Or they get grossed out when you tell them that they've got to collect toe or fingernails and the glamor fades and they soon forget about it. I go back to being just weird and I have my solace again.

I do other stuff ya know, and this is the part where I begin to tell them all about what I do and how I do it. I don't bother educating those who don't seem interested because no matter how I talk about it they don't seem to care anyway so I do my best to educate those who seem open. You can't teach the unwilling, trust me I've tried. I try not to get into *deep* detail because I usually lose them when I start going on about how the rabbits help me read cards and sometimes I am the fox mother and sometimes I make things for a Hellenic psychopomp goddess because I like giving her gifts. I just tell them about the domestic folk magic stuff, like how I clean and protect my house and the food I make is filled with good magic. They usually like that part, the domestic witchcraft part, and it doesn't always end awkwardly when I show them a business card.

So to tell, or not tell? I'm not in the "broom closet" by any means. Everyone I call friend or family knows I'm a witch and if they don't approve then they keep it to themselves and I'm just fine with that. But now it's not just my husband and I to think about, it's my son too. Like wtf would the PTA think about me actually celebrating Halloween because it's a holiday and a sabbat instead of my kid not dressing up for school and just taking my kid to church at 3pm to get some candy. AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HALLOWEEN, GUYS? Like all of a sudden the world got too scary for our kids so they go "trick-o-treating" at church or during daylight where they're given toothbrushes and raisins because at night is when the apples with razor blades and pedophiles come out? Ugh. Gimme a damn break.

I'll continue to chronicle this for those interested and I hope I won't have to go all Bengal tiger on anyone's ass for judging my baby. Ultimately I have to hope that the people I tell will continue to treat us the same, or as my husband and I agree, they aren't worth knowing anyway.