Transitioning

I've been struggling with how to write this article because it's very personal and very difficult.

It is tough at times being a spiritual shop owner and creator. You give a lot of yourself to the craft, not that you don't get it back, but you do give a lot of your time and your energy to it. It is enjoyable work to know that you're helping someone. Small business owners never take the time off that they need. Every day is an office day in one way or another; supply runs, networking, product photography, listings, packaging, post office runs, etc. I don't know what a vacation is. Even when I'm away from home I'm still wild harvesting, relisting, answering emails. The hard work is absolutely worth it because you reap what you sow. The harvest is always bountiful when you work your fingers to the bone. Even though I've had a recent bout of very nasty customers I still work hard. But I feel I need to change direction.

I am sick. My family is sick. My mother was very recently diagnosed with cancer, lymphoma specifically, and is currently undergoing aggressive chemotherapy. My father in law has end stage liver failure. I have postpartum depression, which pales in comparison but affects me still. I saw it coming but could do nothing to stop the deluge and have no avenue for the treatment I need.

My family needs my energy, my time, my soul, my heart. I do not have enough energy or time to give to everyone and everything, though I wish I did. My son needs me, and I give him nearly everything I have everyday, and so does my husband. I need myself. I need my own time, time to do things for me. Time to take true action. This is the change of direction I'm taking.

It is at this time, this darkening of the sky and sleeping of the world that I have decided to close my shop for an undetermined amount of time, perhaps permanently. At some point soon I might reopen to work through the supplies and perishables I have but there's no guarantee that I'll do that. I feel as though I don't have enough positive energy with which to imbue my products with so I'd rather create nothing at all then create a poor item. You cannot be a spiritual worker and not feel that a part of you doesn't go into every product you touch. Perhaps my situation will change, perhaps it won't. This is not to say I will never create again. I will always create for me, for my craft, for my family and friends. It's saying I'm currently unable to create under a mass scale. For now.

With this change in focus comes a new wave. I am focused now more than ever on finishing my degree and working on my children's books. It's what I've always wanted, yet strayed from so many times. Ask my preschool teacher, she'll tell you. I've always wanted to be an illustrator. My ultimate goal is to earn my MFA in Illustration and write some damn books. So I hope I can do it. Progress is slow, with little money for school and only a little time away from my baby. But I'll get there.

I'd like to thank those who've been supportive of my shop, the blessings you've bestowed upon me, and the praises you've sung. Thank you thank you thank you. I'll be seeing you soon.